my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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