ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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