I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
