Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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