dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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