he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
