we made out on top of his cat.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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