Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No...this little piggys going to the bar
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
