i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
