My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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