Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
