are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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