remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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