so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize