you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
