$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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