"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
