somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
