Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
