you win again, gameday.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
