I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We're too hungover to prance.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
