Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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