i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
