No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize