we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
