woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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