I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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