so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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