Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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