When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
