a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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