so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
