But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
