All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize