I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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