Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
