why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize