Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
