3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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