I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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