I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
did i walk over a car last night?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
