I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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