Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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