he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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