I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
