Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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