its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't deserve a penis
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize