I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
