she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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