Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
