I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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