I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
