Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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