im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
