We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
