this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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