bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
In America we eat man semen.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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