Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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