I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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