I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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