who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize