and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
