Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
