yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
