my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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