I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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