I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
