this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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