I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
