I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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